Your Mom Friend: Yi-Mei Truxes

Mom to Finn and June and Founder of Bembien on raising kids in Greenpoint, community that feels like family, and staying present.

THE BASICS

Talk to us about where you’re from and what you do?

I live in Greenpoint, Brooklyn with my husband and two daughters, and have lived in NYC for the last 15+ years. I was raised on the shoreline of Connecticut in a very small town called Westbrook (closer to Rhode Island than New York) and went to college in Upstate New York. I am the founder and designer of Bembien, an accessories brand based in Greenpoint.

What are your kid(s) names and ages?

I have two girls, Finn (4) and June (2).

Do you have a favorite age so far? And why?

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I absolutely love the newborn age (despite the lack of sleep that comes with it). The babies are so sweet and it’s okay to be completely off schedule and in a world of my own with them. There’s no other time like it. Admittedly, I didn’t lean into the joys of newborns until I had my second, June (with Finn, I hadn’t yet realized how fleeting it all was). My other favorite age would be 5-8 months, when they start showing more personality, but aren’t on the move yet. And despite its obvious difficulties, the toddler years are pretty fun! Challenging, but fun.

What do you love about raising kids where you live? Do you wish you were raising them somewhere else?

There is nowhere I would rather raise my girls than in Greenpoint. It’s extremely kid-friendly—there are great restaurants and bars that our girls are welcomed into with open arms. We have three playgrounds and the waterfront within 3 blocks of our apartment. We live one block from their school and another block from where my husband and I both work. The convenience of our day-to-day lives has been the saving grace in our journey to stay sane as working parents. On top of it, we live near quite a few of our longtime friends with kids of their own, as well as our new parent-friends we have met through the girls’ school. Convenience and community—I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

We are also fortunate to have a place upstate that we go to on the weekends and holidays, which the girls absolutely love. The ability to open the door and let them run around outside on their own brings us some balance to city life.

Can you walk us through a typical day for you and your family? (the morning routine, drop off, work, etc.)

Our mornings are always somewhat of a scramble. Finn likes to sleep in, and June *knock on wood* is a great sleeper as well, so we try to let them sleep as long as possible, and then race frantically to get them up and out the door to school on time. (I’m sure there is a better way to do it, but that’s what we do currently).

After school and work, if it’s nice out, we either head up to our roof or take a blanket to Transmitter Park on the Hudson River for a picnic. Somewhere in there is dinner (it’s always different, usually a fight) and bedtime. The girls share a room, but June goes to bed around 7pm and Finn goes down around 9pm. She’s a night owl and would stay up indefinitely if we let her!

What’s the vibe post-bedtime? How do you end your day?

We’re usually exhausted by the time the girls are asleep, so anything to help us unwind a bit before heading to bed. It usually involves a glass of wine and catching up on shows we love.

Who or what is inspiring you?

The people around me! This has always been the case for me—I am most inspired by the people I see walking around on the streets of NYC (or other cities around the world).

What grounds you inside and outside of motherhood?

My husband grounds me inside motherhood, and my work grounds me outside of motherhood.

My husband is endlessly resilient, kind and hardworking. Nothing seems to phase him no matter how exhausting it is, so he takes on monstrous projects with a smile on his face and an ease that I can’t quite wrap my head around. He’s the person who makes me feel like we can still get insurmountable-feeling things done, while raising kids, and still have fun while doing it.

My work gives me a connection to the person I was pre-kids, and I hold onto it for dear life. Having a lifeline to the creativity, independence and community that Bembien brings me has brought real balance to my life as a mom. One of my greatest fears before having kids was that I would lose touch with this side of my life, so I cherish it as much as I can.

What does YOU TIME look like? How do you find time to take care of yourself while raising a family?

Going on walks, runs, or anything that involves movement. Taking a day or two off and heading somewhere with a close friend (or my husband!) that isn’t kid-friendly. Watching a movie on the plane instead of logging into wifi, so I can be in my own world for a little bit.

MOTHERHOOD

Looking back to your early days of motherhood or postpartum, what do you remember most about it? What stuck?

So many things. I remember how different it felt to all of a sudden be a family, and that three was very different from two. And the realization that the person I was before didn’t totally exist anymore, and if I wanted any part of her back, I would need to be rebuilt from the ground up.

I felt a strong sense of frustration that postpartum challenges are in any way a taboo topic, since it’s such a common, shared human experience.

I felt immense gratitude for the way strangers on the street would smile at us as we walked with Finn in a carrier, and how other parents would rush to open the doors for us as we entered coffee shops, etc. There was a real mutual understanding and kindness that I felt with strangers for the first time.

I felt so thankful to my husband for being such a natural. I personally struggled with the transition into motherhood, but was so impressed by how easy parenthood seemed to come to him.

What (if any) advice would you give yourself as a new mom?

I would remind myself that everything is fleeting, both the good and the bad, so hold onto the good when it’s there, and don’t worry too much about the bad, because it’ll be gone before you know it.

What’s the best advice someone else has given you about motherhood?

Trust your gut feelings.

What do you think is the one thing no one really tells (or warns) you about motherhood?

How physically challenging the first few weeks post birth are for a new mom. Your baby needs you, breastfeeding is painful, and you’re in recovery from a pretty traumatic physical event. Not to mention emotionally really going through it.

Which values or lessons are most important to you to pass onto your kid(s)?

Being kind to others and working hard.

What do you enjoy the most about being a mom?

I love watching my girls become their own, unique people. And I’ve loved the new community of parents and kids we’ve met along the way.

What would you say is your greatest challenge in motherhood?

Deciding what to stress about vs not.

What does ‘giving up’ or ‘giving in’ look like for you?

Letting my girls watch a movie, so I can take a break.

COMMUNITY

What does your support system look like? (ex: childcare, friendships, mother or mother figure, bodyworkers, mentors, healers, therapists, etc.)

Support is basically the only thing keeping us going! We have a wonderful nanny, Nora, who has been with us since Finn was 4 months old and is essentially part of our family. Without Nora, I don’t know what we would do. And as mentioned earlier, we’re so fortunate to be surrounded by close friends (most of whom also have kids). Our Greenpoint group feels like family. If one of us needs something, someone is always there to jump in. We gather often for meals or wine, which is not only great for us to feel supported, but great for the kids to feel a sense of community.

Do you have any favorite parenting resources (podcasts, books, people)?

I have a mom text group (all with first babies around the same age) that has been such a lifesaver in dark times of need. And of course, my local Greenpoint mom friends, who feel like family.

How do you express love (to your children, partner, family, friends) and how do you like to receive it? (This can be the same as your love language)

Quality time! Expressed and received.

How has your relationship with your partner evolved throughout this journey thus far?

We’ve always been a pretty good team. We’ve worked on a lot of renovation-style home projects together, we help each other where we can with work, etc., but becoming parents has truly forced us to learn the importance of “divide and conquer.”

How have you made your mom friends?

My new mom friends have mostly been through Finn’s school! We got really lucky with the group she’s in.

What's the number one thing you seek from your mom friends? (i.e. guidance, resonance, validation, mirroring, etc.)

A judgment-free relationship, mutual respect, the feeling of “we’re all in the trenches together”, a relationship where I can be truly myself.

What does your ideal mom’s night out look like?

Wine and an environment where I can pay 100% attention to the person I’m talking to and be present in the moment.

STYLE

Did your style change when you became a mother and if so, how?

Absolutely. I’ve always gravitated towards the classics, but when I became a mom I leaned more into 90s mom style more. Button downs became a much larger part of my wardrobe (my favorite thing to wear while breastfeeding!), and I now very rarely wear anything that is challenging to clean.

What do you wear to drop-off? / What do you wear for a weekend hang?

Jeans and a t-shirt or sweater.

Do you have a uniform? If so, what does it consist of?

Denim and a button down. Anything classic. Stripes. Black primarily and navy, gray, cream, and red on occasion.

Best vacation spots with the family? Where’d you go, what’d you do, where’d you stay? Anywhere you’d like to go?

Anything to get the girls outside. Outside of our place upstate where we spend most weekends between May-October, we love Maine. In the past we have rented this Airbnb and stayed at this incredible spot on Deer Isle called Aragosta Inn. A special place in our hearts is Monhegan Island, off the coast of Maine, but we have yet to take our girls there (maybe next year!). And we love Martha’s Vineyard in the off-season (end of September, early October) and tend to go every year for a week. We like to skip the more popular areas like Edgartown and stay on the far end of the island where it’s a bit more quiet.

RAPID FIRE QUESTIONS

Favorite last purchase for yourself?

Ceramics on a recent trip to Puglia from Ceramiche Nicola Fasano.

And for your kids?

The Yoto Player (if you don’t have one, run, don’t walk!)

Favorite podcast?

I love Puck podcasts generally, specifically Fashion People with Lauren Sherman, where I get my weekly dose of industry news mixed with a little bit of fashion gossip.

Favorite local restaurant?

This is constantly changing, but right now I’m loving Radio Star and Cecily in Greenpoint. Oxomoco is also a forever favorite (don’t sleep on the salsas!) along with Glasserie.

Fav place for self-care?

Being outside.

Ideal date night?

There is a little Italian spot near us in Greenpoint that we’ve been going to forever. It’s nothing special but we feel like family there.

Last book you read?

Between Two Kingdoms by Suleika Jaouad

Desert Island - products you can’t live without (personal and kids)

Embryolisse moisturizer for me. Aquaphor for the babies.

Define in one word: expectation of motherhood

Challenging.

Define in one word: reality of motherhood

Humbling.

Favorite recipe that your kids will actually eat?

Black beans, slow cooked with carrots, celery, onion and garlic, and a little butter added at the end. I make it in large batches and freeze it in smaller containers. Both of my girls will never turn it down, and I feel great that they are eating something substantial.

You can find and follow Yi-Mei on Instagram here + here.